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And here I was freezing and alone and sure this was the end for me. Fortunately, I was picked up by the cops and thrown into a cruiser. Back at the station, the officer told me to go into the bathroom and clean myself up. When I saw my battered, bloody, swollen face in the mirror, I knew it was time to call it quits on the alcohol and pills.
My fear of death overtook my fear of my nightmares and flashbacks. I never drank or took another pill after that night. Of course, the memories of the abuse were still there, waiting for me, now that I was sober. And I no longer had that numbing shield between me and the constant panic attacks and the crushing depression.
I recall many years feeling like I was at the bottom of a black pit, and no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I craned my neck, I could not see the top. By the time I was out on my own, I had come to accept that I would never be free of the abuse. It would always define me.
I was in and out of therapy throughout my 20s and 30s, but nothing seemed to help. I was still locked up inside my trauma, unable to free myself. I continued to keep my head down and my mouth shut, terrified to share my truth with a partner for fear they would leave me. Who needs to deal with all that? I assumed it would be an unfair burden to lay on anyone. Then in my early 40s something miraculous happened.
I found myself in a relationship with a woman who refused to allow me to stay locked up inside of myself. I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and bipolar disorder. I began to understand the intricacies of how my trauma was limiting my happiness.
I learned coping mechanisms to deal with panic attacks, anxiety, and manic and depressive episodes. I could not completely eliminate the deep effects of the trauma, but I did have strategies now for facing them and finding some happiness. By this point in my life, I had also become active in theater, writing and acting, and I had even written and performed a few monologues about various aspects of the abuse.
As I became stronger in therapy, I began developing a full-length show about abuse and healing. She was reticent at first, worried that allowing the audience to comment on my story as I was telling it might undo some of the hard work we had done over the years. When I explained that, as a theater artist, this was the way I processed things, she relented and served as an important sounding board as a I crafted the piece. The interactive portion of it worked better than I could have imagined.
During the feedback breaks I included throughout the narrative, I was gifted with fascinating questions, wonderfully supportive comments and even the powerful words of a few survivors sharing their own stories. Just as miraculously for me, at one point in my show, I gave myself the opportunity to dance.
Finally, just like that happy 6-year-old child I lost so long ago and may never meet again, I danced. I have been traveling the country and telling my story ever since. I have been fortunate to meet so many fellow survivors, social workers, therapists, academics and others who have helped me to continuously reshape and refine my show.
And hearing from some of my fellow survivors that the show has made them feel empowered is incredibly gratifying. Performing it has certainly done so for me. I still have bad days. I still have panic attacks and flashbacks. I still experience depressive episodes.
The abuse no longer rules my life. That feels like peace to me. Michael Broussard is a theatre artist and a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. He has been traveling the country telling his story and inspiring conversations about abuse and healing since with his interactive theatrical show "Ask A Sex Abuse Survivor. Have a compelling first-person story you want to share? Send your story description to pitch huffpost. US Edition U. Coronavirus News U. HuffPost Personal Video Horoscopes.
Michelle then had sex with her boyfriend after he raped and killed her daughter, the new report adds. How Santas are reinventing holiday traditions during the pandemic. Celebrity hairstylist, Chris Appleton, shares with us the products he solemnly swears by.
Follain believes that no one should have to compromise their health for beauty. Rebekah Jones claims police released her address in retaliation for raid video. We tried out some hot new games and discuss the role of fashion and design in the gaming community. Ken Jeong sleighs performance during 'Masked Singer' holiday special. Blake Shelton is once again dominating 'The Voice' heading into the season finale. Gwen Stefani sobs over 'Voice' contestant's performance: 'That was God answering my prayers'.
This self-driving car can deliver your medicine. How the presidential election shaped the year. Yahoo News Explains. How the murder of George Floyd paved way for national movement. Company of the Year: How Zoom employees operate remotely. This young model with Down syndrome was featured in Marie Claire Russia. Crockpot Coconut Hot Chocolate. Winter Beet And Pomegranate Salad. Belgian wildlife park welcomes baby orangutan.
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